The loop of failure

Failure, as the sacred act of being pulled on the right track.

Philosophically, the blame is shifted back.

But, carved in the bones stay on,

Distress, grief, insecurity and confusion.

This past year has been a rollercoaster of events. Broken relationship, academic step back, and dreadful professional missteps. “There must be a reason”, I thought, moving on quickly, ready to follow my dreams, finally.

To deal with those takes patience,

It drains every ounce of self-confidence.

Naked and raw the soul hides within,

In the lonely journey of healing.

That is when it becomes so difficult to believe in oneself, especially after deciding on leaning over a different path than everyone else. It affects the momentum of actions. It seems like an eternity that I’ve been tiptoeing around my options.

Huddled up and exhausted,

It is impossible to stay committed.

When doubts arise constantly,

Every decision seems awry.

And then, the people I love are right in front trying to help but I can’t see. Blurred by confusion it feels impossible to give them any attention. I feel guilty.

Crawling at the lowest low,

Finally, it is time to let go.

By surrendering the self to the divine,

Awaken with a clear mind.

Heart was broken and mistakes were carried on, but everything turned out to be a life lesson. Resilience, strength and hope are wonderful. After losing, they healed my wounds.